Hi,
So just so everyone knows, I love my family dearly and I wouldn't be the same person without them.
I think it kinda sounds like I'm all "ew, family" but really I'm not.
but yea. Here we go! I wonder what's coming out tonight..
So, I've been reflecting somewhat on how much I've grown in the past few months. I've come so far :)
I used to struggle a lot with my obedience and discipline. I used to have bad habits. I still have bad habits...a lot of bad habits, but the ones I'm referring to took me away from the spirit.
When I was in my last year of girls camp, I was strong spiritually. I tried to follow the spirit when ever I recognized it, no matter the consequences. Often I felt like a fool afterwards, but I was so happy at those spiritual strong points. I was trying to share the gospel with friends, which is TERRIFYING! but I made efforts because I loved them. (and I still love them) It didn't stick, I didn't convert. But I tried darn it :)
Shortly after (maybe a few months or so) I started allowing myself some sins, and they grew. after a year I was far from the spirit, it was very disheartening. I found myself in dark places and I loathed myself and my actions. I would think back to how I was when I was stronger. ....It didn't help the loathing. I can't remember exactly what changed me, or what my bottom point was, but I do remember contemplating some evil things. I know now that I had let satan in my life, I had allowed him to be a part of my decisions. I don't recommend it.
I can't remember exactly what made me decide to change, but I found myself striving to be on the level I was before, at a time when I recognized God's hand in my life every single day. It has taken my years of repentance, trying and so much effort to change who I was turning in to.
I know that I barely achieved this, that I'm still barely achieving my goals. But I am achieving them through my Heavenly Father and His plan for me. I'm achieving them through the Atonement, through my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I have a testimony of repentance and of the Atonement. I know that God loves us NO MATTER WHAT! I know the Jesus suffered for our sins. I know that if we seek forgiveness WE WILL FIND IT. I know that I have had this much progress because I had support and love from my Heavenly Father and I knew of the power of Christ. Forgiveness of sin is such a beautiful thing. It is such a wonderful feeling. I love knowing that even though I don't feel like I can ever be good enough, Christ bridges the gap to get me to where I need to be. Christ makes me whole through forgiveness and love. I hope everyone can feel the love of forgiveness in their lives. I know its power, I've experienced it. I've seen the drastic change it has brought about. I've seen it in my attitude, my confidence, my behavior, my goals, my life, even my posture. I pray in my heart that all can know that someone is there. Someone is waiting for you. Someone loves you. There are so many people (living or dead) that are pulling for you. It is never too late to get on your knees and talk with your Father in Heaven. You can access the atoning love of Jesus Christ whenever and always (right now even...do you need to pray? do it! :) you will feel that much better)
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ amen.
well dang, I hope that was readable, I'm going to bed instead of proof reading so you'll have to excuse me on that one....and also I fell like I've been pretty heavy and should bring some lighthearted-ness up into this so here's a random, random thought....
Do people hang out in Heaven? Like, would Alma throw a bbq? and who would he invite? would he go up to anyone and be all "Yea, all the strippling warriors are stopping by, you should check it out."
I'd probably go....just sayin....
ok bye
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