Testimony #42: missioning

Note: I was very tired when I wrote this, and I think the anesthesia has been effecting me so...yea I apologize in advance....

Hi
So my Internet is down right now while I'm writing this. But know that it was done. So yea. still counts :)
So I was getting ready for bed and I remembered I still needed to bare my testimony. I could have possibly missed it. That would have been super lame. especially since I'm more than 1/12 complete of my goal. This is a pretty cool goal I have...
So thanks to Heavenly Father for the promptings and for the sources and influences that brought about the idea.
Oh and another reason why if I missed a tonight it would be super lame...It's temple Tuesday! That would have been pretty ridiculous.
Though I was pretty distracted (I guess would be the word) at the temple today...pretty much all day....week, whatever. I don't know why but I seem to be dragging my feet getting stuff done and following promptings. I always tell myself this is Satan trying to get to me when I'm close to achieving something the Lord wants me to do. Or maybe something that I want in my life. or both....I don't know, but I just think to myself the closer I get, the harder he works....man and I have more repenting to do, I have been lazy and mistreating myself...boo on me. and More testimony of atonement :)
But yea. So I decided that I just really love the gospel. I've found myself just really wanting to discuss so many things about it. It brings me so much happiness to put something in perspective
I think it's so cool anytime I get any sort of revelation.
I am so grateful for my calling (ward missionary) and I have a testimony that the Lord blesses you with what you need and want. He will guide and bless you according to your diligence and your desires.
I want to share this experience...
So I was debating whether or not I should go on a mission and I was prompted to think about going on a mission. well, I mistook this for "go on a mission." just so you guys know "think" and "go" are two different words, and they have two separate meanings....
anyway, so I would get a prompting of "think about going on a mission" and I would be like "ok so I'm going on a mission" and then I'd get "no, don't go on a mission" and then I'd be like "no don't go on a mission" and then I'd be prompted "but think about going on a mission"
"so I'm going on a mission! cool I'm going on a mission"
"No,"
"No..."
"but think about it"
and it went back and forth like that for YEARS. I don't know why, but it was that way.
Well anyway, I guess I decided to listen when I got "Don't go on a mission"
so I was like "finally and answer!" though technically I had an answer the whole time, I just finally saw it. and I still got the prompting of "think about it"
So I was praying (shout out to prayer! whoo!) and I got the feeling like I'm not going to go on a mission, but I should prepare like I am going.
and I felt like the reason Heavenly Father didn't just say that in the first place was....I wouldn't do it if I wasn't going.
(so I totally haven't been doing that...I so should...shame on me!)
But yea...and then on top of all that stuff...I was debating whether or not I even really wanted to go on a mission, let alone should. I mean, the thought of me leaving for a year and a half terrified me. talking to strangers I didn't know about God? Talk about something that I hold so close and dear to me? and the thought of all the rejection I'd take....and there was more, but I don't want to deter anyone if they are thinking about going on a mission themselves. It's so wonderful if you do go (not that I can talk) but yea, So I was going back and forth on whether or not I could handle it, and I got told (again) "no" but this time it was not quickly followed by "think about it" so I had my answer and I was relieved that I could stay where I was, (in comfort)
So months later when The "think about it" came to mind I was like "But I thought I knew!!" well I was thinking about it one Sunday in church, and I started thinking "I do want to serve a mission" but I knew my place wasn't out in the mission field as a full time missionary. But I wanted to help spread the gospel. I often ask myself why I was so lucky to have had the gospel my whole life. and I often answer myself "because I can share it." So yea, those two things are related. But anyway yea, I wanted to serve the Lord, I wanted those around me to understand, well, anything about the gospel (it's so great!!) 
a week (maybe two) later, I was called as a ward missionary.
I know that my calling came from the Lord. I know that I have a purpose in this calling. I know that Heavenly Father was listening and guiding me the entire time. Writing this all down really makes me glad to know what I have in my life. It also makes me giggle at how misunderstanding I was/am of the answers I receive from the Lord. I know that He knows me and wants the best for me. I know that I have been called for a reason.
I pray that I can live up to what He has planned for me.
I want to bare my testimony of the one true church. I know that it's true, I know it was established by God,I know that the Lord helps those who stick around for progress.
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ amen.

GOoodniiigght!