Testimony #24:

Hello again
So I'm feeling out of sorts. I don't feel spiritually apt at the moment and also whilst I'm writing this I'm thinking to myself in a British accent. So don't mind a bit if I use words like "daft" right? Brilliant
Anyway, as I was saying, I'm feeling out of sorts, which I'm unsure is an actual phrase. I've not been doing what I feel has been asked of me by my Heavenly Father.
I've been staying up late, procrastinating, not praying, not reading my scriptures and fighting to be lazy. I don't know why. I might be a bit stressed. I don't know why I allow myself to be less than what I am capable of. It's discouraging really...
I've girls camp on Monday, and I am so not prepared. While I was freaking out about what it is I should be doing I've received revelation of what to do like; pray for the girls, read scriptures for guidance and other sorts.
I'm a fan of the word sorts right now.
But I've slacked off and it's really disappointing.
I'm really glad I know about the Atonement (and now we've switched back to an American accent) so I know that I can be better, but it's still disappointing knowing that I've let myself down...I need to be better. Starting a month ago.
I mean I've been worried about so many things and I know that if I followed promptings and stuff I would end up right where I needed to be and everything would work out perfectly.
I know the Lord makes adjustments for you, but I would rather just take the direct route ya know?
If you don't know, I don't blame you...It's 3 in the morning right now and I've become obsessed with British reality series. Like for realsies. And that means; I'm tired and I'm probably not making sense.
I feel bad that I've let go of some blessings because I have been lazy or stubborn. I was ignoring what I needed to do and I said to myself  "I don't know why I'm doing this..."
Have I complained enough?
Well, at the very least I'm glad I have my testimony to fall back on. Since I know of the Atonement and redemption, I can correct myself and move back on the straight and narrow. It's really nice to get back on track this fast. Usually I beat myself up about it for a week or two and then I don't repent right away as means of punishing myself. Saying I'm unworthy of the blessings in store for me when I do repent. But I'm realizing just how silly that is. I don't know better than God first of all. If He wants to bless me, He's going to bless me and I would be SOOOOO ungrateful if I didn't allow it to enter into my life. I know I can change, and even if no one reads this. I'm glad I'm doing it. I've felt such a difference in my life already. This is kind of a big hurtle for me. I've been "punishing" myself like this my whole life and this is the first time I don't feel pressed to wait to repent because I'm "not worthy" of feeling the spirit again.
Is this making sense? Sin makes me unworthy of the spirit, but what I've done in the past is tell myself not to repent right away because I haven't suffered enough.
Immediate repentance brings joy. That feeling that I've allowed myself to follow has been straight up Satan. Wow.
I have a testimony of personal revelation (totally happened before your reading eyes!) of the Atonement, our Savior's love, God's plan, His love for each of us and life is better when you practice humility.
God knows better than us :)
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ amen
I feel better, I'm going to pray and read and go to sleep now.
Thanks for existing :)

bye :)